‘I don’t want to learn English, but I have to.’
When I used to live in Germany, I was confronted with an unusual greeting when I opened the door:
‘I don’t want to learn English, but I have to.’
And there he was, standing on my doorstep wishing he was anywhere but where he was. He was confident he was doing the right thing but was also worried he was doing the right thing for he had been a problematic schoolchild. His only memories of school and teachers—and especially memories of his English lessons and teacher—were not pleasant. He was honest and told me that he came because he believed I could break down his mental barrier to learning English.
He was a young German, wearing a colourful patterned shirt with jeans, earring in his ear and a friendly smile. He had come to me as a private student after researching the Internet. His new company wasn’t going to pay for his lessons. However, he needed English as a company’s representative at trade fairs.
As the interview continued, it became clear that Matthias had a lot of prejudices. It also became clear that he was uptight and worried that he wouldn’t manage to get over them—he was father to a newborn. And of course, it became clear this young father desperately needed to find a safe zone to start anew.
And me? Well, how would you feel when you are facing a student who had admitted he would be a bad student and an even worse learner?
The interview progressed, and as I began to explore the extent of his English knowledge, I could physically feel his guard going up, centimetre for centimetre. It was high time to coax my new student into a safe-zone.
Why you need to coax your students into a safe-zone
Matthias isn’t your every-day student coming to learn English. He was a special case. Nonetheless, he’s no exception to any other student coming to learn English in one respect: students need to have a safe zone to learn. Age is no exception because whether a young child or an adult, they all need a safe learning zone. A haven, if you prefer. A safe place where mistakes or embarrassing moments are allowed and not discussed or laughed about outside the four walls of the classroom.
The tricky part lies in convincing the student that he is in that safe zone when he comes to you for his lessons.
Let’s take my German students as an example. How do I ‘remove’ a German’s drive for perfectionism? How can I coax them into their ‘safe-‘ or ‘comfort-zone’?
I begin by asking two questions:
‘Do you speak German (your native tongue) 100 % correctly? That is before you speak one sentence in German, do you control each sentence for its grammatical correctness? Or do you just go ahead and say what you have to say?’
‘If you don’t speak German 100% grammatically correct… Why do you insist on speaking English perfectly?’
Once the safe or comfort-zone is in place, a teacher’s next step is perhaps not so obvious. They have to take on the responsibility of their students’ past learning burdens and share the responsibility for their future learning.
Let’s explain. Past student memories are usually based on obsolete school curriculums, which according to the late Sir Ken Robinson, needs a complete overhaul. But it’s these past memories of demoralising ‘not making it’ that remains ever-present as an unsuccessful period in their school career.
A private instructor needs to cut off their student’s past learning experience to start anew. A private instructor needs to ease your student’s burden of past (bad) memories.
It’s about ‘burdens’, but it’s also about responsibility in the safe-zone
There are many reasons as to why or how your students have gained failed learning experiences. Whatever the reason, these no longer count because they are here to start anew, yet they still feel burdened with their past failures. And it’s this weight that drags them down whenever they try to learn again. They have been told to be responsible for their own actions all their lives, and of course, this includes any learning they undertake. But an iron ball and chain of past bad memories hinder; slowing down their progress.
You have to remove the ball and chain. You have to share the weight and then take over the burdens of past learning experiences.
Maybe it was the old teaching system? Or was it the dreadful teacher in school? The boredom they felt during the lessons? etc. Accept everything because there are times when it’s good to pass on the responsibility to someone who can shoulder the burden. It relaxes the strain. It relaxes the stress. It frees the body and mind to concentrate on new matters at hand—the new learning aim.
Accept verbatim the burden of past failures (no matter what, or where, the core of the problem is) because your student is now here and needs your help to overcome them. By doing so, you are giving them a fresh start.
There are numerous examples, the most well-known is that of talking your heart out to complete strangers in trains—well knowing you’ll never see them again…
Is this method of coaxing students into their safe-zone ethically correct?
Yes, it is because you are only relieving the burden of past failures or embarrassments. You are not taking over the responsibility for their future learning. You are only removing a burden created in the past.
Once your student ‘feels’ he has a clean sheet, the way is open to achieving your ultimate aim: your student’s first Aha!-moment. The second Aha!-moment soon follows. And then the third… And before long, both you and your student are enjoying a reciprocal exchange of Aha!-moments.
So what do these Aha!-moments result in? Your student’s success.
Summary
Matthias stayed with me for over a year. During this time he reported his Aha!-moments with a grin that rivalled the Cheshire Cat in ‘Alice in Wonderland’. The first was a successful exchange of email and telephone information. Then came successes in various trade fairs, which led to more responsibility and as he attended meetings. He watches English DVDs with his small children. Matthias is successful with his English, and it shows. But it would have been a different ending for Matthias if there was no safe-zone to develop his own private, personal Aha!-moments.
As for me, his teacher? My grin can also rival the Cheshire Cat. 🙂